Even though lumber futures collapsed months ago, my lumber source didn’t know and didn’t seem to care; putting new sideboards on the F-150 as part of my aluminum can venture cost a pretty penny. Now, with fuel prices higher, inflation better catch hold or ‘can retrieval’ may not keep me solvent. Cruising the highways and byways the day following sporting events requires I keep the air conditioner operating full blast.
I enjoyed a brisk jaunt through
Entering through a restricted door on the north side I weaved through a series of hallways finally getting into the mezzanine and spotted Jimmy standing near a rack of garish suits near the entrance to the sightseeing vessel.
“Hey old guy!” as he spotted me.
“I think it’s an ordinance violation to dump these suits in the lake.”
“Dump them??! Hey old guy, I’m sellin’ them!”
“They’re horrible!”
“I’m making a killing. Better than arbing cash and carry.”
“These suits are junk.”
“Old guy. You surprise me. You are so out of touch. Junk is in. Junk! I hang out here in the early morning and catch ex-CEO’s who hide out touring the lake. No one wants to look like a banker! Cheap suits are in! A lot of these guys can’t go to Lou Mitchell’s anymore so I have a couple of Country Kitchens where I park my van. I take trades. Give me one Armani and I’ll give two K-Mart knock offs and a colorful blazer from Goodwill. They can change right in my van. Sometimes I see a fellow hesitating to enter the Union League Club, I empathize with their situation. I have my sensitive side. I can outfit them in minutes so they feel comfortable going into the YMCA. Most guys don’t want to wear an Armani into the YMCA.”
“What!!”
“Yes. I know you always preferred the Versace pinstripe. I’ll kick out three K-marts for one of those. Not too many of those around.”
“I don’t need any suits. I seek some economic counsel.”
“You’re at the right place. How’s hot lips?”
“She’s fine. Right now I have two game plans. One for inflation, another for deflation.”
“I was always amazed she went for you. She’s a looker and smart. Younger too.”
“Let’s not go down that road. I’ve done really well in the soybeans. Now I am trying to plan the balance of my trading year.”
“It’ll cost ya.”
“What!! After what we’ve been through? What about the old days? The out trades.”
“Hey. I’m gonna make it right. I’m loaded with Patek Philippe watches. Those are a dead giveaway. I’m giving two Timex, one C-note and two tickets to
“Where are you getting all this stuff?”
“CEO’s….it’s bad. These guys are not popular at all. Almost like the witness program in the old days. Bond traders too. A lot of those guys got killed last fall. Short too quick. None of ‘em listened to me. It’s really sad. But, I’m a capitalist. I’m a dying breed.”
“Grain was your game. What caused this transformation?”
“The name Paulson mean anything to you? Goldman Sachs?
“I’m out of the loop. And, I might add, is why I am talking to you!”
“We got us a new Pres…a sharp guy..the name Daley ring any bells in that mush filled brain? You kick in any juice to the boys the last election?”
“Juice??”
“Same old guy. Same old habits. You just can’t get past being a Republican. What’s happened to you? This is
“Deflation? You sure??”
“Yes. Deflation. I witnessed a waitress at the Highland Park Country Kitchen break into tears yesterday. Third customer to order Steak Tartar did it. Cook can’t stand the sight of blood and they don’t chill the plates at Country Kitchen. It was tragic.”
“I’ve been leaning toward inflation. Quantitative easing.”
“Old guy. We’re de-leveraging credit. It’s DEFLATION. Gotta get things straight before the boys all begin to run for 2010 re-election. It’s simple. You prefer gold or platinum?”
“For what?”
“Your watch. I’m loaded with both. I’ll throw in two nice trousers.”
